“Don’t Ever Feel Guilthy about Removing Toxic People for Our Life. Really??”


It’s not a short story. It’s true story. It happened in real life. I don’t judge that he used his girl friend. I don’t say he is a scammer. Please free to interpret this story. Take everything’s good and bad from this story as a lesson. Again, I gave my ears to listen her story.

Many times she asked waiters to bring strawberry juice.  Does she love strawberry? Or she just nervous about what she talked about? She sips her juice and plays the tall glass with her fingers. Seems the strawberry juice is sour as her experience. I could see it from her face.

She started her story without open her sun glasses.

“He is American and stays in Jakarta, Indonesia. He was my boyfriend. I love him at that time. I know he is not a rich man. Is he cute? He is not. But he is so kind and nice, I felt as a Queen. We had a great relationship. Someday he borrowed money to me. It was so easy to me to give him all my saving without thinking to ask my money back. “

“That’s love is?? Maybe I was just thinking not to make him disappointed, even I was disappointed myself.”

“Then, he borrowed me some money again. I did the same. I gave him some money again, without thinking to ask my money back. It happened many times. I realized he used me. It was still in my thought about using me, when suddenly he said rude to me without a reason.   He said I’m a bitch, fuck around and liar.”

“Another thing, he was so angry, because I wake him up by accident and told him about my bad day. All this became a trigger to break him up.”

“ I control my words, and said to him, “Okay, find a better woman, maybe I am not the right one for you, Good bye.”

He : “I am sorry, I don’t mean it. I am angry because you didn’t pick up my call!”

She : “I was working.”

She : “Please, forgive me!”

She : “I forgive you.”

He :”Are we okay?”

She : “No, I forgive you but I don’t want to back to you anymore.”

He : “Please, it’s my fault, I am sorry.   Please, Back to me.”

She :”No.. We can be friend, but not a lover,”

After that they didn’t communicate each other. More 1 year more he contacted her and wanted to meet her. She refused him. She told him that she had a boyfriend, already (the fact is She had not a boyfriend). Then they communicated as friend, maybe just 3 times talking in a year.

2 years more they didn’t talk each other, suddenly he call her. They became a real friend. They talked more. He told her that he had 2 kids with Indonesian woman, but they didn’t get married. She was so happy to her ex boyfriend.

17 March 2015 somebody sent her text.

“Hi, how are you doing? Hope you fine/ healthy. I want your help very bad please. I don’t have anybody in life except God. He told me in my heart to contact you. Mother of my kids took my saving money & disappear with my kids. Don’t know where is she and why she did that to me. I beg you please if you can help me. I want to exit my visa. I have 2 days left. I don’t want problem with immigration. All I need is 3 million rupiahs. If you can, please do help me. ASAP I got money I pay it to you this time. Please help me. Thanks, my God bless you. Wait your message. Thanks.”

She didn’t reply this text. She was thinking about scammer, She didn’t recognize the number. She got the message again.

“Hello, I am sorry if I disturbing you. Have you received my message I sent you? Hope to hear from you, May Allah bless you.”

She did not reply this message. She got another message: “Evening, sorry may I call you?”

Then she got some missed call to her 3 numbers, She realized, that this guy knew her. Then she picks the call.

He : “Hi, did you get my text?”

She : “Who is this?”

He : “You didn’t save my number?”

She :”Oh, you..what’s up?”

He : “Did you read my text”

She: “Is that from you? About need help?”

He : “Yes. Please help me.”

She: “Sorry, I cannot help this time, I need money too.”

He :”Oh ok, Its fine. Please let me know if you can help. GBU.”

She: “No, I cannot, sorry.”

1 day after talked on the phone, he sent her text:

“My sponsor has BCA (Bank Central Asia). Help me, if you can, I will give you the account number. Sorry for bothering you. Please reply me.  I am already reached Batam, just want anything you could send to Singapore, Can you please? Thank you in advance.”

She : “ Sorry, I cannot.”

He : “Ok, Allah bless you.”

She didn’t reply his last text. 1 days after the text, she got text from his number.

“I wish Allah destroyed you and never help you, and send you to Jahanam (Hell). You are a big Kafir (Atheis). May Allah never a bless you for the rest of your life.”

She was shock read his text. She was at work when reading his text. She just arrived at office in the morning. He made her so angry and felt unfair. Lost all her mood at that day. She should wait her emotion down, but she was not. She replied him with her all emotions.

“WTF, hey did I asked you to pay me back about all money you borrowed? I never ask that. But you said this??? Don’t ever talk to me!!! You decided already, bye.”

He didn’t reply her directly. After work, she got his reply : “ I am sorry, the message send to you by mistake. Not you, okay… Sorry.”

She didn’t reply him.

1 day after, he sent her text again: “Hi, I am back. I am fine and doing well. Please text me your account Number & How much you need. I will transfer to you. Thanks.”

She : “No, I am fine. Thanks.”

Sigh…I can imagine how she feels, how she tried not to be angry, how she care about her boyfriend. But in the end she realized and used her brain more than her feeling. Is it the right decision? I remember about something important from Daniel Kopke (thanks Sean for introduce me about this):

“You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn’t matter whether someone is relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance – you don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and “continue” to treat you in harmful way, they need to go.”#